Patience

For some strange reason, I chose this year to have a resolution and stick to it.  Unlike every other year, it is not weight loss.  I figured I might want to succeed for once I guess.  This year it is patience.  Since the day I decided that this was my goal I have been put to the test.  It seems that every day holds some new gem for me to be patient about.  Today it was socks.  Oh the socks.  One pair is too thick, the other to thin.  One has a seem that rubs her toe wrong, another bothers her ankle.  Before this whole resolution debauchle I would have just yelled.  Usually does the trick.  The sock goes into the shoe and a frightened little girl gets in the car to go to school.  The whole sock issue is probably what got me into this mess in the first place.  Never in a million years would I think that a simple sock would push me as far as it does.  

It happened one morning when we were running late.  There she was sitting on the stairs furiously yanking at her sock and I let her have it.  I am not proud to admit it.  We were going to get in the car and be on time for once (we are actually rarely late...) and that sock wasn't going to stop us.    Michael, knowing what was coming, put his coat on and made a b-line for the car.  (This of course is a whole other issue.. the fact that he knew it was coming)  After I berated the small child sitting on the steps she just sat there, defeated.  When she failed to move or even make a move towards leaving the house I started in on her again.  "Mom, if you would just stop yelling at me I will put the stupid sock on and we can go...."  Like a sledgehammer to the back of my head it hit me.  LOVE IS PATIENT.....

I am pretty sure that most who know me know that my love for my children is strong.  There is not 5 minutes that go by in my house in which a child is not being hugged, kissed or told I love you.  If one of them is withing reach I am holding them.  It is easy to show love with a hug or a word, and I am good at it.  What I fear I have failed to do is love as He has commanded us to.  LOVE IS PATIENT....

On this quest for patience, in which I am doing better than expected so far, I have spent alot of time questioning what patience actually is.  According to Wikipedia, patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one's character can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

What does patience look like?  I dont' know what it looks like for everyone else, but for me patience is...

• counting to ten after I ask something of a child and waiting to see if they respond before getting frustrated and asking again assuming they were just ignoring me on purpose.  9 out of ten times they respond by the time I get to 8....
• giving a sobbing boy a hug instead of yelling at him to pick up the mess that his isn't picking up fast enough and then sending him back on his way to finish the job.  Hug again as necessary until the job is done.
• Being grateful that I have a husband that is willing to work so hard and be away so long so that I can be home with my children and not get frustrated about when he will return.
• Reading an extra book at night because it took five years for him to even want to look at a book in the first place instead of telling him its too late and going downstairs to watch TV.
• Knowing that if I hold out one more day, the pain wont be so bad and I won't need the pain killers that are calling me from the medicine cabinet.
• Understanding that just because a bathroom is pink and black doesn't mean me have to spend money right now to fix it (this has gotten easier since my loving husband has agreed its about time)
• Spending 3 hours constructing a leprechaun trap that I know will never catch a leprechaun because her friend makes one and thats what you do on St. Patricks Day.  This includes shopping for some sort of irish trinket that somehow gets stuck in the trap as the leprechaun somehow escaped and explaining that although we didn't catch him this year there is always next year...
• Driving to 4 stores at the end of winter to find slippers that "feel okay" with socks because Miss Brandl says we have to wear socks (see above).  Do you know that by march there are no slippers??? And when you do finally find the one pair of pink fuzzy way too big slippers that are "PERFECT MOMMY!"  They are damaged.  Patience is buying the slippers anyway and then fixing the brand new perfect fuzzy slippers so that she can wear them on pajama day.
• Saying yes even when I don't feel like it. (this is in response to my son asking me if he could paint at 5:30 in the morning)

There are so many more..  So far I have been more patient with my kids.  I have put a moratorium on yelling and my house is a much happier place all around.  I have been more patient with my husband (although to be honest its not so hard.  Almost everything he does makes my life easier).  My family outside of my house is next.  It's a little easier to avoid at this point (although I'm pretty sure my mom wishes I could work on this now) :) And then there is myself.  I am most impatient with myself.  

Fortunatly for me, God is Love...  and Love is Patient...